When I was diagnosed with cancer a year ago I made a conscious decision to be pretty open about my journey with the disease. Many of you were following my blog when I was diagnosed and have been following my various health updates and excitements since, so I figured I’d post a brief cancer update today for those who care. If you don’t care, ignore this and continue on with your regularly scheduled Thursday.
About three weeks after I had Fiona I went back to my doctor who wanted to do an ultrasound on my neck to see how everything is in there. He basically assured me that he wouldn’t find anything worth note in my ultrasound. He said I did so great with my medication while pregnant that there wouldn’t be anything there. Cancer was history. I ignorantly believed him. I walked into that ultrasound room on cloud nine. This has been one hell of a health year for me. I was positive I’ve paid my dues. The doctor said he wouldn’t find anything, so he wouldn’t find anything. Period. End of story.
How stupid that seems now.
The ultrasound showed some abnormalities. Today I went back to the doctor who did another ultrasound to see for himself what the ultrasound tech was seeing. Well, long story short, not only am I celebrating my “year of cancer” this month (I was diagnosed last October), but I’m also starting on year two of cancer. My medication didn’t suppress the cancer growth like it was supposed to. Lucky me, it’s spread into my lymph nodes. The doctor found 4 lymph nodes that are abnormal and “show no sign of being benign” (a nice way of saying malignant) and 1 that shows signs of being benign. I’m getting biopsies done next week. Then we get to talk about surgery to remove my cancer… again. Then we talk about radioactive iodine treatment.
All of this, AND a two month old baby. That’s not even touching my pregnancy induced back issues, which might also require surgery to fix.
I’m vacillating between being incredibly upset, feeling cheated and exhausted, and enjoying a level of stress I’ve never felt before. This wasn’t supposed to happen, but it did and all I can do is deal with it and read books to cope with the bullshit. I know in the end everything will be okay. I do have a very treatable form of cancer, which is good, but it’s spread, which is bad. Cancer is cancer and regardless of the type it’s still terrifying. I can’t even describe the emotional and mental punch in the gut this is.
Anyway, that’s that. Tomorrow I’m going to post my review of EYES TO SEE by Joseph Nassise.