I’m taking the weekend off. Maybe a little bit of next week, too.
I’ve never been this emotionally and physically exhausted in my life. I’m almost done being pregnant and I’m just… exhausted. Everything I’ve been through since November is crashing in on me right now. Cancer, back problems, joint issues, problems with walking, fears for the baby’s health and on and on the list goes. I’ve been handling it all really, really well. No major freak outs or anything. Now, however, with the light at the end of the tunnel just three short weeks away, all the crap I’ve been dealing with “so well” is surfacing and I’m just a mental and emotional mess.
I’m done. Baby isn’t. I keep trying to bribe her with gifts. “Come on out, baby girl… I’ll rub your back if you do!” or “I’ll buy you a pony for your first birthday if you GET OUT OF MY BODY!” It’s not working. She doesn’t care about my bribes. So here I sit, aching, hot, and most of all, SICK OF IT. I know life will change a lot when she’s born, but I’m ready for it. I’ve been hanging in some epic state of limbo since I was diagnosed with cancer. This baby is the first thing that will “give” in my life and let some sort of movement toward normalcy happen. I’m ready for that in ways you wouldn’t believe.
I don’t know why I’m ranting about it on my blog. I was just going to write and say that I’m taking the weekend off because I’m a nutjob right now, but I guess I wanted to write an essay about it, as well.
So there you have it. I’ll be back sometime next week with some fresh reviews and hopefully a better attitude about everything. I just need some time to refresh myself, I guess. It’s been a hell of a ride, and it’s almost over. I’m ready for it to be over, but unfortunately, it’s not based on my schedule, it’s based on the baby’s, and she’s not ready to leave her gestational habitat, so I’m chaffing right now and aching, and annoyed. I’m ready to be done with being pregnant. I want to finish my cancer treatment. I want to be able to walk normally and without pain again and the fact that it’s SO CLOSE but SO FAR AWAY is really, really difficult.
See you next week.